The Last Person on Earth
by adept42
Summary: After the world ends, the best you can do is laugh about it.


"I finally figured it out, Rei, I finally figured it out!" Asuka's shaky voice broke the stillness of the wasteland that was once Tokyo-3. "It's all a big joke, Rei, just a BIG JOKE! I mean, if before all this happened..." Asuka's voiced broke as she choked back a sob. "Before all this happened, someone might have asked me: 'Who's the last person on earth you'd want to spend your life with?' Do you know what I'd have told them, Rei? Do you know what I'd have told them?"

Asuka had grabbed my shoulders and shaken me as she spoke, but there was no real anger in her. Her eyes had the same pleading look they'd held for the past few months. After staring at me for a few seconds, she turned away, shrugged off her backpack, and sat down in the ash-covered street.

After a moment, I sat down beside her and said, "I know something else that's funny."

Asuka gave me a sideways glance. "Seriously? Wonder girl is going to tell me a joke?"

"It's not a joke, but it's something funny that might make you laugh."

"Rei, that's the definition of what a joke is."

"Not when it's something true."

"Those are God's jokes." Asuka frowned. "Why do we always end up talking about philosophy? Fine: tell your funny story or whatever it is."

"I've been killed three times by Unit One."

Asuka looked like she expected more, but she eventually said, "That's it? You think that's funny?"

"Yes."

After frowning at me for a bit longer, Asuka rummaged through her backpack until she produced one of the few remaining candy bars we'd managed to scavenge. She offered me half, but I declined. After eating, she spoke in a much calmer voice than before.

"One of your few virtues, wonder girl, is that you're a mystery. Figuring you out gives me something to think about."

I did not reply.

"All right, I give up: how have you been killed three times by Unit One?"

"The first time was eleven years ago in a contact experiment."

"When you were four?"

"No, I was 27."

We had another long pause. "Absurd stuff isn't funny unless you deliver it the right way. You can't just toss it in whenever you feel like."

"It's true."

"But you're 14 right now?"

"My body has been aged to be 14, but it's only been alive for 7 years."

Asuka stuffed the candy wrapper into her backpack. "This isn't that funny, Rei, but I've gotta give you credit for originality. So what happened in-between your 'death and rebirth'?"

"I was cloned."

Asuka smiled for the first time in weeks. "Oh that's a scary thought. One of you is more than enough! Fine, so how did you die the second time?"

"I was choked to death by Dr. Naoko Akagi."

"Woah, dark humor! And what's it got to do with Unit One?"

"I was fascinated by Unit One as Commander Ikari showed me through project Gehirn headquarters. I slipped away from him and got lost trying to find her again."

"And you were strangled by Ritsuko's mom?"

"Yes."

"And then cloned again?"

"No, there were quite a few bodies of me cloned in 2008, but only one was let out from the storage tank and raised as a human child."

Asuka suppressed a snicker. "So it wasn't really you that got killed by Naoko."

"It was me in the sense that I have the memory. The brain of the first Rei was collected and incorporated into me."

"Wait a minute, wasn't that the second version of you?"

"Yes, but it was the first Rei Ayanami. Before being cloned, my name was Yui Ikari."

Asuka's eyes went wide. "That is just so gross! I mean there's nothing wrong with having a crush on an older guy, but pretending to be his dead wife is seriously creepy. And with Shinji the same age as you? Ugh!"

I did not reply.

"Anyways," continued Asuka, "how Unit One kill you a third time?"

"She refused the dummy plug when we were attacked by the Fourteenth Angel."

All the humor drained from Asuka's face. "Don't you dare say that, Rei! It was Shinji who's to blame! We lost because stupid Shinji had to throw a tantrum get kicked out of NERV!"

"He came back. You had already been dismembered by the angel, but I could see him on my view screen. He ran to Commander Ikari, and they exchanged some words. Perhaps the commander rejected him out of hand, or perhaps Shinji couldn't explain why he should still be a pilot. The moment passed, and there was nothing to stop the Fourteenth Angel from triggering the Third Impact."

Asuka shook her head vehemently. "No, it was inevitable, Rei; that's the only way we can laugh at what happened. It's the chance for things to be different that makes something a tragedy."

Still visibly upset, Asuka looked away from me as she spoke, "How did you die that time, Rei? Did Third Impact make you burst into flames like everyone else? Have I been talking to myself for the past few months?"

"My EVA protected my body, but Third Impact ended all purpose my life might have had."

"Life's purpose..." Asuka looked out over the ash-swept cityscape. "What would your life's purpose have been if we beat the Angels?"

"To reunite Commander Ikari with Yui."

"I thought you were Yui."

"I have her body and some of her memories, but her soul resided in Unit One."

"Okay... so assuming that all of that worked out, what was your next step?"

"The reunion process would have ceased my existence."

"Wait, so if losing to the Angels was the only way for you to survive, why fight them?"

"To fulfill the purpose of my creation."

"That's so stupid!"

"Well what would you have done if we'd defeated the Angels?"

"Are you kidding? I'd have been so famous that there'd be nothing I couldn't do!"

"Yes, but what would you want?"

Asuka didn't answer for a while. She finally said, "On the day I said goodbye to Unit Two, I decided that staying alive will be my final battle against the Angels. Although every day has been a struggle... I won't let them win one final victory."

"It's convenient that the battle will last your entire life."

"Yeah, I guess it is." Asuka stood up and shouldered her pack. "Come on, Rei, why don't you tell me another joke as we walk."

"That was the only one I've thought of."

"Well it wasn't bad, but blaming the second 'death' on Unit One was kind of a stretch."

"Perhaps so."

"I just have a few more questions. Why couldn't Gendo 'reunite' with Yui before we defeated the Angels?"

"It's very complicated."

"Rei, I've got nothing but time."

* * *

><p>Authors Note: IMHO the trickiest thing about doing a Rei-centric fic is her origin story. Imagining how Rei would explain it herself gave me the idea for this fic, and the circumstances under which she'd disclose provided the setting. I hope you enjoyed it!<p> 


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